"PAUL WESTERBERG"-PART THREE "BACK ON CAMPUS-PHONE CALL AFTERGLOW"

"PAUL WESTERBERG"

PART THREE: BACK ON CAMPUS-

PHONE CALL AFTERGLOW

TRACEY

    We talked for maybe another 30 minutes, give or take a moment or two, before we hung up, which was just fine as I heard my roommate’s voice on the other side of the door and I just wanted to keep this on the low a while longer. For now, this whole thing is just exclusive to me and Heather. Or at the very least, me as I didn’t have a desire to let the world in yet. And I couldn’t help but to wonder if Heather wanted the same thing. But maybe that’s what Friday night is for. To find out.

HEATHER

    After I hung up with Tracey, I just sat in my quiet room listening to the conversation that re-played in my head with my quickened heartbeat as the soundtrack. You know, I think that when you are speaking on the phone with someone, the voice is not just bouncing around the ear that is pressed to the receiver. I think the voice completely fills your head, filling in the spaces or even creating new ones. And the absence of the other person’s face, with all of its expressions, creates a piece of the puzzle that is always missing but you always keep looking for it anyway. I just wanted to see Tracey. I wanted to see what he looked like when we were talking. Was he sitting at a desk or was he sitting on the floor by his bed? Does he have certain phone habits, like does he hold the receiver in his hand? Or does he tuck it between his chin and shoulder to leave his hands free, perhaps to twirl the cord or something?

    I’m a cord twirler myself. But, I do alternate between holding the receiver in my hand and the shoulder tuck as I twirl, straighten and try to unwind the very thing you just can’t unwind. I am sharing this with you because me, being a “phone cord twirler” is just something I know about myself 100%. It’s just a thing I do that I can always count on to be true as I think about what makes me…well, me. But, with talking to Tracey…who was that girl? In the Union, on the bus, in the postcard and on the phone, I don’t recognize her at all. Again, it is all just confusing to me. Yes, it is obviously “me” but it’s a “me” that is so unknown. Do I really sound like that and where would I even have thought to say the things that I said, and share what I have shared so easily, things I would otherwise not have done with pretty much anybody else?

    I do have friends. Not many since coming to school but I do. Or more truthfully, they are people I’m friendly with, something I guess would make them less like “friends” and more like close acquaintances. Do trust me. It’s not as sad as it may sound. It’s OK. Really. I just go about my business. I don’t bother anyone and I don’t even talk that much to anyone. Maybe I’m still not used to college and the whole transitory aspect of it. I mean—why bother building up something with somebody else only to never see them again in just the next semester? It just feels so pointless sometimes, so I just keep to myself.

    That’s what makes this whole thing—whatever this “thing” is—with Tracey so strange to me because my reaction to him felt so instant as if I was doing and saying things before I could even think to stop myself or to even think at all…and I’m not like that with anyone and I never have been either! There’s just no way that I could be falling for him, is there? That just seems impossible. “Love at first sight” just feels like a cliché and while I’d have to think that I am now living a cliché, what if it’s not a cliché at all? What if it’s true and what if I am? I like him…a lot. I was just taken by his face and his dark brown sensitive eyes and mostly, his kindness at the Union when I was freaking out caught me off guard. I mean—the Union was packed that day, all with kids trying to leave for Spring Break and somehow, Tracey Wolf saw me! He helped me with a nice gesture and before I knew it, it felt like we were the only two people there. Another cliché proven true, I guess.

    I know I’m way over-thinking this and my not-so-close friend/acquaintance would really give me the business about it but maybe this is a good thing—whatever this “thing” is.

   All I know for certain is that I loved having Tracey Wolf’s voice inside of my head.
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