"FOURTEEN" PART NINE: "...and in the end..."

"...and in the end..."

     Craig Hughes was a Beatles fanatic. From what he had been told, he had been listening to the music of The Beatles since birth. Thelonious had told him that he was especially partial to side two of “Abbey Road” (“A Hard Day’s Night” was too raucous.) so much so that whenever the infant Craig began to cry, Thelonious would instruct Exine to “Go get the record! Go get the record!!” and the music would soothe their child every time. Craig became re-introduced to The Beatles during the fourth grade when a cousin gave him “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” as a birthday present. Craig became entranced with The Beatles and their accompanying mystique and mythology as the generation before him. He would listen to album sides constantly. First he would try to sing along and pick out every heartbreaking chord change in “If I Fell” and he would eventually try to dissect “The White Album”, like a scientist, desperate to determine every single instrument heard. He was equally transfixed and frightened by “Strawberry Fields Forever” and “I Am The Walrus” (something just sounded wrong in those songs) and he avoided “Helter Skelter” and “Revolution #9” entirely. He stared at album covers for hours on end trying to see just how and when these four men changed from innocence, matching suits and hair he could never believe anyone thought of as being long to disillusioned adulthood (with newfound innocence). The Beatles’ music didn’t exist as simply songs for Craig. It was a complete world he could visit whenever he wanted. Thelonious appreciated his son’s fondness while Exzine grudgingly tolerated it (“I already lived through all of that! Now to have it again, in my house?!”) Craig was unusually interested with their breakup in 1970, one year after his own birth (“If you were never born, they’d still be together,” one aunt, never to be seen more than that particular visit, cruelly joked.). He was struck by how separate yet together they appeared to be, all dressing differently with hair of varying lengths almost covering them like fur. Their musical growth in such a short period of time was staggering to him and he would explain this fact to friends throughout his life, who felt that The Beatles were obsolete (“Haven’t you heard of the term Beatlesque?! They did things thirty years ago people are still trying to figure out!”).

     His obsession with The Beatles led to all things British, from the accents he mastered to imitate (much to his mother’s annoyance) to hours of Public Television, British comedy programs and even a brief affair with Shakespeare. He did wonder what it would be like to be black in England for everything he saw never showed a black face. Then one day, watching a rock music news program, he stumbled upon a member of The (English) Beat, a hyperactive sounding man named Ranking Roger. At that moment, Craig thought to himself, “Damn! We’re over there too?!” This discovery made the possibility of one day traveling to London much more feasible.

     This past year, Craig became obsessed with the “Let It Be” album after watching the documentary of the same name on pay TV. It was such an enlightening experience, however sad with the bickering, tension and obvious discontent. Yet, they were still able to create beautiful music. Craig most noticed this not just during the classic rooftop concert sequence but in the recording of “The Long and Winding Road” without the goopy string arrangement that belied The Beatles’ typical grace and subtlety. Here were people who seemed to be in completely different places while sitting together, clearly unhappy and majestic sounds were realized despite that. For Craig, The Beatles represented something that was even beyond them, there was something higher at work. Even their weaker material (was there such a thing?) was stronger than most other artists’ entire catalog. And once it ended, where else was there to go? Craig often wondered how it was for those four men once it was over. How did they cope? How they even decided to carry on musically knowing full well that every note they recorded would be held up in comparison to their legacy and everyone’s memories boggled Craig’s mind.  The simplest answer is usually the best: They just did it. They carried on. Individually.

     Craig spent many hours listening to “Let It Be” while reading one of the only books he connected with during his previous year in English class; The Sun Also Rises. Like most of his classmates, he got a kick out of the novels’ classic phallic metaphor (it made for great dirty jokes for a time), but he felt a connection to the idea of being an expatriate. To find a place for oneself in a location terribly foreign appealed to Craig. He could re-invent himself or just exist as he was without anyone knowing him or his history and accompanying baggage. After his visit to Madison, Wisconsin, he became ever hopeful that Madison, in its’ own way, could be that foreign place he could assimilate himself into. He envisioned himself, writing in his journal while sitting at some coffee house, listening to sweet music, perhaps with the girl of his dreams nearby or just about to come into view. Maybe Madison could be his “London,” and he could be an expatriate of sorts. However pretentious it sounded, it was a romantic ideal Craig clung to during the tedium of high school.  By his senior year, the idea of attending a school known for its grand size was a perfect match for him. Craig Hughes wanted nothing more than to go to a place where no one knew him and he could be whatever he wanted to be without someone waiting to reveal that there was no wizard behind the curtain. After all of this time being boxed inside the matrix of high school politics, from teachers to students to family expectations, he desperately needed some distance.

     In mid-winter 1987, Craig received the greatest present he could hope for at that time for his birthday; his admission letter to the University of Wisconsin –Madison. The joy he felt while reading his letter gave Craig a sense of rebirth. Of course he would be in his gestation period for a few months longer but his future arrival at Madison would enable Craig to experience the rebirth. And when it came to discovering himself, Craig had to learn to walk and talk all over again.

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