"I did it! I really did it! I'm actually crying a little as I am writing because I really finished a story again. I DID IT!!!"
Yes, during a rest time period at school, as the children were sleeping and my lovely co-teacher had stepped out of the classroom for a spell to make a copy, I finally completed "Paul Westerberg" and wrote those words posted above. Yes, I did start to cry because I was stunned that what had existed inside of me for so, so long was finally outside of me and was made into something unmistakably and tangibly real. But most importantly, I proved to myself that indeed I could finish something creative again, something I had not accomplished for an extremely long time (my blogs Savage Cinema and Synesthesia, notwithstanding).
Since that time, I obviously began the process of continuing to type and clean up what was written in long hand (as pictured below):
As it stands, the story, when printed, comes out to 93 pages!!! Certainly, much more than a short story, so does that make this a novella? I really have no idea. And also, I really have no idea if it is a good story anyway. I just know that I wrote 93 pages of something, it spoke to me, I like it and all I can hope is that it meant something to you too.
Like I said in the intro, this is a story about communication and connection. The dual first person narratives are essentially interior monologues, so as Tracey and Heather are indeed speaking to YOU the reader, they are definitely speaking to themselves as they process this experience they are sharing but only from their individual viewpoints and perceptions.
I hope that this story felt romantic to you, as that was indeed my wish. I wanted you to hope that these two people would somehow find their way to each other especially when things were obviously falling apart during their date, a section which actually was influenced by the date sequence from "Some Kind Of Wonderful" (the film these two characters both adore) due to how it is possibly the lengthiest section of the entire story and Tracey and Heather are confronted with their emotions in an explicit fashion. They each want the same thing--to re-create whatever alchemy existed on the day of the blizzard but they each secretly fear that maybe that day was an anomaly for differing reasons.
I wanted to show how people sometimes reveal themselves or are at their most open when they are with other people they may not ever see again. There's nothing to lose, so to speak. But, when it comes time for reunion and the potential of moving forward, especially after revealing so much, the concept may be emotionally daunting, as it really is for Heather Harrison who does suffer from some strands of social anxiety, as evidenced not only from the date but also for her love of quiet football Saturdays in the dorms and even when she returns from Spring Break and is just craving solitude before having to be "ON" for her roommate and floor mates again.
Well, now here's the point where I reveal the true inspiration for this story. Here goes. This story entirely happened to me. The real "Heather Harrison" is actually named Heather (I cannot remember her last name) and I did meet her on the day of a freak blizzard while waiting for my bus to return to Chicago for Spring Break. We did talk all day in the Union and for the epic bus ride home, where she did get off at O'Hare to meet her Father (for what I do not remember at all). She did send me a post card (which I actually still have). We did have a flirty phone call once we got back to school and we did indeed have a date which fell completely apart in the way it was written for the most part. And yes, there was also an "Abbey" whose real name is Miranda and she was as insufferable as described.
Certainly a very large portion was invented for the story as I obviously am not able to remember exactly what was said other than a few things. For instance, Heather really did like my "Some Kind Of Wonderful" sticker, which I had stuck to either a notebook or textbook. The structure of the date sequence was true. Meeting at the dorm, going to the movie (we really did see "The Adventures Of Baron Munchausen" on our date--no hand holding though), to the frat house (including the cover band) and IHOP all really happened. And believe it or not, Miranda really did tell me that she didn't date Black guys, hijacked the night and Heather and afterwards, she did walk back to my dorm with me and furthermore, she did make herself a constant and unwanted presence on my floor for a while too--much to the great amusement of my roommate who had never seen me so bent out of shape.
As for the life of Heather Harrison that Tracey Wolf recounts to us, much of that was indeed invented. Again, I cannot remember at all what she and I talked about on that bus ride but I cherry picked moments from my own life as well as stories I had heard and learned from friends plus some fully imagined tales and weaved them into the tapestry of this character that I hoped you would find yourselves falling for just as Tracey Wolf was falling himself.
Then, there is the "doppelganger" story that Tracey recounts in order to woo Heather with conversation on their date. That story actually happened to me too! I had long thought about making it its own story but I couldn't figure out a way to do it, so I folded it into this one.
As for the ending on Bascom Hill, I made that piece of the story purposefully ambiguous as to whether Heather and Tracey will even speak as they see each other. As for me and what happened in reality, this story did have a definitive ending as I really did see Heather walking down Bascom Hill as I was walking upwards, some time after the failed date and not having seen her ever since. But again, for a story, I wanted there to be a window for YOU the reader to fill in what YOU thought these two characters might do. If you think Heather finally spoke to Tracey, then so be it. If you thought they passed each other without a word, then so be it as well. At this point, it doesn't matter what happened to me in real life. I leave this piece of the story up to you.
I think the thing that was most satisfying to me as I was writing was the creation of Heather Harrison because in my real life, I was always confused as to what went wrong, and especially what were Heather and Miranda ding in that IHOP bathroom for so long. Before I began writing, I actually told several female friends the story and I was curious as to what they thought had possibly happened, especially as they all had first hand knowledge of covert meetings in the ladies room. Every single woman I spoke with all expressed confusion and the main sentiment that I had harbored myself for all of these years, "Maybe she was just scared." So, then, it was trying to come up with behaviors and a overall personality to bring the character to that fateful and sad night and I have to say that the character of Heather Harrison surprised me over and again as it did often feel as if she was standing over my shoulder telling me how she was feeling. That is when writing is just....UNREAL!!!!
Now, "Paul Westerberg" is finished and I am readying the next story, which will indeed play out for a very lengthy period of time. But, I won't divulge just yet. I hope to reveal in December.
Thank you all so much for taking this journey with me and being so supportive and encouraging as I never really thought I would ever share this with anyone.
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