"EXHIBITIONIST AT THE PICTURE SHOW"-PART THREE

"EXHIBITIONIST AT THE PICTURE SHOW" (part three)

Now I had to tell you all of that just to get to what I really wanted to talk to you about. The whole cycle of “Tommy” never felt complete to me because I had only seen it on various televisions and not ever inside of a movie theater. I don’t care what anyone says. Movies at home are fine for re-visiting and re-examining and all that but movies are designed for and meant to be experienced in a movie theater! With the BIG SCREEN and the BIG SOUND! That’s why movies are movies and TV is TV. There is no substitute. I had always imagined just what it may have been like to enter a movie theater in 1975 and see “Tommy” in 70 mm Dolby or better yet, with the Quintophonic sound system specially designed for that film. Now, of course, I realized that I would never get to see the movie in that fashion but I had hoped that maybe at some point, I would have a chance, especially once I arrived here in Madison for school. There were Midnight Movies all over the place and there would just bound to be a showing of it at some point. I tried requesting it to various student film societies to no avail and the managers of U Square 4 weren’t receptive to my requests either. Come on! I mean—they show that ratty print of “The Wall” every weekend and from what I hear, it tends to consistently draw a crowd. Why not “Tommy?” If anything, people could really trip out to “Tommy” if they weren’t interested in anything spiritual.

Well, I finally found my chance while paging through the Isthmus before English 215. Perhaps it was some sort of rock star divine intervention or something but I just about flipped when I saw that the Barrymore would be having a one time only Midnight showing of “Tommy” that weekend!! Oh my God! As my girlfriend, Theresa said to me during our Philosophy lecture, “I saw that ad and knew that somewhere on campus there was a scream of absolute delight.”

That night, I was laying in Theresa’s cigar-box shaped bed in her equally cigar-box shaped apartment, watching her put her bra back on. No need to go any further there for you prurient listeners. Theresa was kind enough to let me use her typewriter to finish a Philosophy paper and we got…interrupted. I slowly got out of her bed and continued watching her get dressed, when I asked her if she wanted to go see “Tommy” that weekend.

“No thanks. I’ve already seen it,” she said sweetly. (I showed it to her when we first got together.) “But, you can go ahead.”

“Oh, come on. You haven’t really seen it…,” I began to protest.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know. The BIG SCREEN and the BIG SOUND. Really, I’m not interested. But, go ahead. I know how much it means to you.”

Isn’t she great?

“You know,” Theresa started. “I’ll even let you take my car. That way, you won’t have to navigate the bus schedule or survive yet another Badger Cab death ride.”

Didn’t I just say she was great?

I got out of her bed, walked over to her, and wrapped my arms around her waist to thank her. Then, she turned around and gave me such a sweet kiss that I wanted to postpone typing that paper just a little bit longer.

Saturday night finally arrived and I was so psyched! I had spent much of the day getting a few major details out of the way so I could enjoy “Tommy” homework-guilt-free. I finished my Philosophy paper and spent most of my afternoon in the Rathskeller, with my study group. It was a sink or swim class in Deconstructionism and we had flailed away over the eternal questions concerning high and low art. After a most disgustingly scrumptious dorm-food meal, I headed over to Theresa’s. She was finishing her own English paper while some Chevy Chase madness flopped around on the TV in the background and I paced around with anticipation. Finally, around 11:00 p.m. I got Theresa’s car and split for the Barrymore. Yeah, yeah, it wasn’t for an hour but I just wanted to be sure and get a good parking space and most importantly, a good seat. Frankly, I think Theresa was anxious to get rid of me since she was so busy.

I arrived at the Barrymore with a full thirty minutes to myself. I spent perhaps ten minutes checking the seats out and finding the perfect spot for me to take in this experience. I finally staked and claimed my spot and began to walk around the theater and gaze at the myriad of kiosk ready posters for upcoming shows and events. I contemplated getting some popcorn or even a beer but decided against it. I didn’t want to miss a second by going to relieve myself. By about 11:47, I went back to my seat and stared at the twinkling stars on the Barrymore ceiling as if expecting some sort of laser light show to commence. I was practically dancing while seated awaiting the BIG SCREEN and the BIG SOUND. I watched a few people file in and take their seats and smiled to myself, as if we were part of a secret society about to witness something only a chosen few would even care to know about in the late ‘80s. And as I was gazing around, I felt someone sit directly behind me. I heard the typical fumbling around one does in order to get themselves situated and I turned around and took a quick peek. It was some girl, with curly dark hair, and glasses in a leather jacket. Surprisingly, she looked right into my eyes and spoke to me.

“Excuse me. But do you know what time it is?”

“11:51.”

“Cool! I am so excited to see this. This is one of my favorite movies.”

“Really? It’s one of my favorites too!”

“You’re kidding!”

“Nope. I first saw it when I was 15 and I’ve been a convert ever since,” I explained.

“I saw it in high school too!” she exclaimed. “You know, I have been pestering my friends and new people I’ve met for years with this movie. I make people watch it with me and if they hate it, I just figure that it’s not meant to be. Love me, love ‘Tommy’.”

Then, she let loose a self-deprecating laugh which diffused any sense that she was nuts and included me further in our parallel obsession.

“You know,” I began, “I tried to get my girlfriend to come with me but she wasn’t interested. I told her that it’s never the same on a TV.”

“You are so right! I couldn’t get my girlfriend to come with me either. She’s like, ‘I’ve already seen it’. But, I said, ‘You haven’t seen it until you see it in a movie theater’! You need the BIG SCREEN and the BIG SOUND!”

Oh my God! A true confidant. Someone who really gets it! She then leaned forward and rested her elbows on the seat in front of her.

“I don’t mean to sound forward, but may I sit with you? Two “Tommy” enthusiasts enjoying this night.”

“Uh…sure. Come on up.”

She climbed over into the seat next to mine.

“My name’s Lauren. What’s yours?”

“Sean,” I answered and we shook hands.

“Thank you,” she said. “I do appreciate this and I apologize if I sound geeky or weird. I’m just excited because I’ve never seen this in a movie theater before and I’ve always wanted to.”

“It’s fine. I totally understand.”

At that moment, the house lights went down, the curtain opened and I swear the hairs on the back of my neck sprouted upright. As the first lights from the screen filled the auditorium, Lauren tapped my shoulder and stared right into my eyes again.

“Sean, let’s sit back and enjoy this experience for we are about to take an amazing journey!”

I smiled at her cleverly placed “Tommy” song reference and the serendipitous nature of our meeting.

The movie began and I was enraptured. Yeah, the print was a bit scratchy and the audio could’ve been better but I didn’t care. It was the BIG SCREEN with the BIG SOUND! Every once in a while, either Lauren or I would look at the other and grin with pleasure. And then, during Tina Turner’s great “Acid Queen” sequence, Lauren tapped my shoulder.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah,” I answered not taking my eyes off the screen.

“Look…umm…if this offends you, let me know and please accept my apologies.”

If something offends me?! What the hell is she talking about?

“Are you sure I can ask you this?”

“Yeah, what is it?” I asked, growing a little irritated and increasingly confused.

Before I go any further, I just want to prepare you for what you are about to hear. Now aside from the obvious shock of her question due to its’ content, it is as much for the tone. Try to imagine someone asking you for a pen, or to pass the salt during dinner. Or better yet, imagine when a stranger asks you for the time or a light for a cigarette. Try to keep that tone in your head as I reveal to you what Lauren then asked me. Brace yourselves.

“Would you mind if I masturbated right now?”

Up until that moment, I was completely inside that movie. At that moment, I was so outside of it I may as well have been sitting in the Barrymore’s parking lot, trying to watch the film through a crack in the door. I mean—what does one do? I guess as I look back on it. I could’ve moved or told her to leave. But, up was down and black was white and I answered her with the first words that came out of my mouth. Once again, brace yourselves.

“Sure go ahead. I’m watching the movie.”

I never looked at her again. And if she did indeed perform what she asked permission to do, I never knew. All I know is that she got quiet for a few minutes, sighed, excused herself, returned, said, “Thank you,” and ceased to speak or look at me for the rest of the movie. Not that it mattered. I really wasn’t in the mood anymore.
Copyright 2014 by Scott Collins All rights reserved. No part of this material may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author's rights.